When you conduct parent workshops, you start to see the same issues coming up over and over for parents. The names and faces are different, but the issues are the same. And the truth is that parents are commonly responsible for many of these problems.

Here are three issues that keep coming up for parents, and an explanation of how parents can fairly often solve their own problems.

Problem #1: My kids dont listen to me

To expect that kids will listen to you perfectly all the time is an irrational thought. Kids are in a very different place than adults are in terms of their ability to listen and attend to things. Kids will commonly positive need you to repeat things a number of times in a patient, pleasant tone. And yes, your job is to be very patient with them.

It is almost always the parental tone of parents voices that is part of the problem with kids not listening. After all, who target to be lectured about what to do all day? If things still dont work, take actionkids will respond to action much better than they will to words.

Problem #2: My kids arent respectfulthey talk back and argue too much

One of the problems with not having obedient kids anymore is that kids feel more freedom to speak their mind. This could be irritating, but its far better than obedient kids that just do what theyre told.

If your child talks to you in a disrespectful way, you have choices. One choice is to be angry with them and to actually create more of the very behavior that you dislike. Getting angry when your child talks back to you is a sizeably effective example of building your own problems.

A better choice is to ask them whats bothering them in a compassionate way. Kids will often take out their feelings on someone who they feel safe withyou! And remember that you may tell them in a calm and firm manner that its not OK to talk to you that way.

Arguing is a choice for parents. It still takes two to tango. Most parents who complain about their kids arguing are pretty effective at it themselves. You might disagree often with your kids, but arguments may usually be avoided if parents can stay disciplined.

Problem #3: My kids arent achieving as well as they should

Whether its tying their shoes, grasping better grades, or success at sports, parents will always be worried about how well their kids are doing compared to other kids. While there certainly are situations that require excess help and support, most of the extreme concern about your childs development is a problem in itself. When parents worry about their childs capability, it sends a powerful communication to this child. Remember that Einstein and Edison we are poor students!

The responsibility of parents is to believe in their childs ability to succeed and to set high expectations for them. The rest is to be patient and to be aware of your own insecurities. It is these insecurities that could be part of the reason your child isnt doing well.

While its easy to point fingers at your kids, remember the old saying: The apple doesnt fall far from the tree.

Parents who attend to their own issues first will find far fewer rotten apples in their tree.